Like most young adults, my views on religion have evolved as I have
grown. As mortals, we all face death. If you’re going to die someday,
you’d better be darn sure to file your paperwork with the appropriate
deity, and file it early. I doubt the Almighty One would look very
favorably on someone who hurriedly shoved their application in the
mail in hopes that the Holy Office receives it before the deadline
arrives.
Some background: I was raised Catholic, but I’m not particularly
attached to Catholicism; I prefer to consider myself a Christian. I’m
politically liberal, which informs my distaste for the whole
Baptist/Evangelical/Pentecostal scene. (I once received a pamphlet
from someone at Grace Church informing me that as a Catholic, I was
doomed to hell. Duly noted.)
While I haven’t lost faith, I haven’t really embraced it either.
I want to find God. I want to be less apathetic about Christianity.
Two things push me away:
- I’ve seen many people present themselves as Christian (as above)
while believing and proclaiming things that strike me as profoundly
un-Christian: denouncing other Christian denominations,
interpreting the Bible hyper-literally, advocating creationism, and
presenting religion as the basis for ultra-conservatism.
- As a programmer, I think about everything logically. There is no
scientific proof that God exists. The Vulcan in me would dismiss
religion because of its disconnection with science. Creationism is
clearly false, ergo people who interpret the Bible literally are
wrong. Without evidence for God, my belief fades.
In order to really strengthen my belief in God, I need to account for
these two conundrums. I suspect that I can reconcile the first by
admitting that religious institutions aren’t really God’s creation,
but man’s, and by recognizing that people who claim to follow Jesus
aren’t necessarily on the right path either. I’ll resolve my second
issue if I can find enough rational thought and evidence for God to
quell my logic-based doubt.
Those are my two prominent unanswered doubts, and they aren’t the kind
of questions that can be answered easily. I may have to grapple with
them for a while. I’ll have to seek answers, since I can’t find the
solutions in my own mind.
Donald Miller gave a presentation at
Gateway Church last fall. He
said something that really hit home:
We are a part of a huge story: The Epic of Creation, which is told in
the Bible through many stories and teachings. Human Life is not the
climax of the story, though: We are in act two. The Bible didn’t end
when Jesus rose from the dead.
Don explained that a story is “a sense-making device, in which a
character wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.” Every
story ever written or told follows that pattern; there must be
conflict in order for there to be resolution.
The part that struck me was the way he described the Bible as an epic
story. Not just any epic, mind you. The epic. The most magnificent
story ever told, and ever to be told.
There’s something in that nugget of wisdom that I can’t ignore. It
makes everything seem so right, like the pieces of a puzzle finally
clicking into place to reveal a masterpiece.
I asked for, and received, a NLT Bible for Christmas. I already had
a Bible, but I wanted one that is willing to eschew traditional
wording in favor of a tone that better represents the meaning of
passages rather than their literal translation.
The next step in my search for God: I must read The Epic.
I have considered writing about my findings, though I haven’t yet
decided. The Epic of Creation isn’t something I intend to speed
through, after all. It must be given a fair, thorough read.
I hope that, like a good book, I will one day finish the last page,
close the book, and find myself filled with clarity and understanding.
Realistically, one reading probably won’t leave me questionless. The
Epic is an instruction manual for life, the universe, and everything.
As a man, I don’t always read instructions. But when you can’t figure
it out yourself, what do they always say?
Read the manual.